A grand performance or the weirdest show they've ever seen

I love my own cooking; recipes that my mother and grandmother used to make, of which I never tire. Something as simple as a "sloppy joe" is a real treat. I don't make them often but today there is a fresh batch in the frig. I return home from work, the family is out and about, no need to cook for them, it's just me, so I microwave an ample portion; more than my bun can hold but I have plans for all that extra.

After I eat most of the sandwich, I'll slop up the remainder with the bun and when the bread is gone, I'll resort to a fork. Yum! I go to the frig. to retrieve a long time favorite; the Cellone's Egg Bun - a perfect combination! The meat is piping hot, I prepare the sandwich and much to my chagrin, I find that Cellone's has changed their egg bun recipe. It's drier; breadier. I hope I'm wrong, but how can I be when that is the bun that I've loved ever since I was a kid. I feel nothing, it's not the same. I invite the dogs to enjoy the rest, and they do.

Which brings me to Hostess Ho-Ho's. Did they recently change their recipe? Yes, they did! Why change something that has been a huge success for years? My husband had purchased a box to take along with some other treats on a recent fishing trip. I was unpacking the cooler after he returned home and was delighted to find that they hadn't eaten them all. One bite and I knew... "They changed the recipe." My husband confirmed by saying, "Yes, they did."

I guess that's my lead-in as to what's really bothering me; two of my kids are moving away and the one that remains wants a motorcycle.

Our daughter and husband are moving to Seattle, Washington which seems light years away. I've been reassured, that in fact, for the same amount of time it took to drive to their house, we can now fly. I really didn't know how I would respond when I was pressed into celebrating in the coming days. All I knew is that I didn't want to be a black cloud in the room, the decision was made and it was happening. I've set my mind to being happy. Even if my mind was set, when the emotions flooded in, would I be able to put on a grand performance and hide the tiniest glimmer of sadness. Or would the mid-life hormones kick in for the weirdest show that they had ever seen?

I have to say that just before our son-in-law got the job, my daughter called to talk to me about it. She said that they were praying and had asked God that if it wasn't good for them that he would not let it happen. (I'm glad they were prayerful) So, my only advice to her was, "If you serve God, he will bless you and be with you wherever you go." (Tomorrow I could be dead. That is advice I want her to remember now and forever. If she never remembers another thing I've ever said, I would want her to remember that.)

Their visit came and went and it was wonderful. The parents and grandparents gathered in, the food was out of this world, everyone so happy to be together, enjoying each other with lots of conversation and laughter. And the icing on the cake; a prayer after we joined hands and sang, "If Jesus Goes With Me I'll Go Anywhere." I was so pleased and thankful to God when I laid down that night that all had gone so well. Peace.

So he got the job and his company had given them 10 days to make the transition. They were making the best of it by seeing some of America's most beautiful sights along the way. They said Minnesota was like our hometown; nothing there. (Thanks. Fat chance of returning to....nothing.) I don't take it personally, we live in a small town, I'm aware. The badlands, Black Hills, ND, (she said South Dakota was the most beautiful land she's ever seen), traveled through the mountains, saw Yellowstone National Park and so much more. What an adventure! Young and so happy. And I'm happy for them.

Before they left home for their new life, my son who lives in MD informed us that he had bid for a job and if he gets it, will be transferring to SC...and of course, he got it. So, last Sunday we had a farewell dinner for our daughter and son-in-law, and this Sunday our son is coming home for the last time before he moves south, and we'll do it all over again, the meal, the family; the celebration.

How long could I wear the happy face. My kids are leaving. I can't protect them anymore. It's hard to let go.

Fast forward...
I was happier a week ago but I admit, after the second celebration, I felt lousy; miserable. I still feel that way.

I know I shouldn't think this way, but in some respect, I feel like I have failed. Why did they leave? Why were they moving so far away?

It bewilders me when I hear people say, "If I had to live my life over, I wouldn't change a thing." Are you kidding me? I wouldn't change the egg bread recipe, I wouldn't change the Ho-ho recipe but not mop up the mistakes and missed opportunities of the past...you've got to be kidding. Absolutely, I would. Is there an eraser big enough!

I guess I wish that home was so good that they would never leave. I only hope it was good enough that one day they'll pack up their things and come home.

After a few days or weeks I assume I'll be back to myself. I'll get used to the fact that the two older kids don't live around here anymore. I'll try to stay in touch often and get even closer to them as to not lose our connection; keeping their ties to home strong, like a tether.

And to keep me busy in the mean time...my eighteen year old wants a motorcycle. Let me repeat it 10 more times, no. Mistake or good advice? Who knows? Mom's just trying to do what's best seeing that I don't want to lose a child to distance or by chance.