Eyes to See

I adored my grandmother. Even more so now that she's gone. My memories of her are profound and the lessons she taught me, enduring. She not only taught me well, but she led by example. Even though it has been nine years since she has passed, I still take her advice and follow her lead. I follow her, for she followed Christ.

As for me, I really don't know what it means to do the big things; things of great importance, of fame or lofty merit. Ours is the way of a servant. I take care of the small, or base needs that have a part in sustaining a group, or human family. My grandmother referred to it as "helps"; mentioned as one of the gifts of the spirit in the New Testament, the overlooked one. Yes, it's the little things that often go unnoticed by others that are of great importance. Can you serve God by doing "the little things?" You bet you can and the field is wide open, pick any position, start anywhere. There is not much competition in doing the little things, so it's often a quiet work,(peaceful) and the good thing is that there is no struggling over who gets to do what, or deliberating on how we are going to do it, you just prayerfully proceed and "do with your strength what your hands find to do." (smile) Ahh, the secrets of the lowly are sweet.

So, to continue on in that vein, I'll say that every now and then we see something that needs to be done. My grandmother used to say, "Not everyone has eyes, not everyone can see. If you see something that needs to be done, do it." So simple, so plain, so elementary; no committee needed. With so few available to do the little things, maybe it has more to do with eyesight; being able to focus on the small, sometimes thankless tasks right before our eyes.

Well, recently I took notice of something, I saw something that required more than love and concern, I saw individuals who once were so strong, beginning to experience afflictions and in some cases, seemingly, great difficulty. It is almost like it happened overnight. It didn't of course, but one day I woke up, I saw with my eyes, and I realized that they were in need of care. I didn't vow, because I hesitate to make a vow, yet in my mind and heart I knew that I must be mindful and begin to care for them in an active way...like my grandmother would have. (She would have been on this, long before my eyes were open. Her eyesight was that of a hawk and her flight swifter than an eagle when rushing in to help.)

When people have been an integral part of a group; always there, leading the way, in church all the time, never missing a thing - and the tables are turned, they being the one in need, I think they are easily and unfortunately overlooked because they've always been so strong. They may even turn away help when someone asks if they need anything; they are used to being a helper and not the one helped. (My grandmother used to sternly warn us not to say, "if you need anything, give me a call." She didn't believe in that. She believed in visiting the sick, the shut-in, the poor, etc. and taking something for them, even if it were just a few apples (Her apples were usually surrounded by a crust, called pie) or a pot of soup, anything as a token of love and concern. Concerning bringing something she also used to say, "When visiting the sick, take roses, not thorns." In other words, mind your conversation, let your words be seasoned with grace; words that uplift.

So, this recent awakening caused me to think back at something she committed herself to, a big commitment which lasted for years. I'll start by saying that our family is one of those that always had Sunday dinners where it seemed as though everyone was invited, there was always room for one more and plenty of food. (Thank God, he has blessed us with plenty) I remember my grandparent's house especially being one that was full of "the saints". (The scripture uses that word in reference largely to the living fold of God, not the deceased.) Anyway, there was a family in our church who traveled quite a distance to get to church. Not everyone prepares a Sunday dinner and invites others in. Because of this, that particular family did not often get an invitation for dinner. My grandmother hated to see them going home without any type of refreshment. She vowed within herself that they would never go home without a meal or at least an invitation. I remember them being at my grandmother's table every Sunday for years. Even well into the time where it was becoming difficult for her to manage. She had an expression, "We have to help to roll them over the tide." What tide? The tide that takes them on into the next life. And she did. It seemed as though that was probably her last BIG JOB, and that in totality, went largely unnoticed by others. But not me. To me, that was greatness. With my eyes I saw it, from beginning to end, I beheld an example.

And now fifteen or so years later, this is what comes to mind when I look upon our congregation and I see the needs of the saints. My grandmother is gone, the strength of our elderly is now fleeting, and it is my turn to look after the aged. I think I'll prepare a little extra food today, enough to share. I think instead of going shopping or busying myself with the unimportant, I'll make time for a visit. Come with me.

"And of some, having compassion, making a difference." Jude 1:22

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Coffe and Cake

Even the best laid plans are, at times, laid waste. I intended to start my creamer free diet this morning. Instead of a regular coffee with creamer, I began the day with a hot Toddy. Ah, delicious!

We had a big family dinner after church today. My husband makes a brisket that is superb. I provided the rest: macaroni and cheese, broccoli, orange jello salad, green salad and corn. And oh yes, my brother's homemade bread. Did I have a little of everything? Yes, I did. Not so bad though...that is until dessert was served.

I am in no way the best cook around, but I have managed to master a few recipes of the things I like best. Ask anyone who knows me, what kind of cake do I like? Chocolate cake with white bakers icing(and coconut if it's for me or one of my brothers). It was my niece's birthday and after the candle were blown out, my father asked, Is there coffee? That's all it took, coffee was on the table within minutes and I had two cups with creamer, a slice of cake and ice cream. Then after everyone left I had another slice...or two.

Tomorrow I'll do better...the cake is gone.

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Joy To The World - Joy To You And Me!

I started the day as I always do. I became conscious at around 5:50 a.m. I am wakened by the little inner clock of an early bird. It's still dark outside so I have no way to gauge what time it is. I move my pillow aside only to see that it's really too early to get up, so I force myself to stay there until six. (Yes, it's only ten minutes, but if you get up too early, you're ready for bed at 7 p.m.) As soon as I stir, the girls; Kia and Maggie, are on their feet and ready to escort me to the kitchen. It's another lovely morning, although still dark outside. First order of business - make coffee. Ah...I love this part of the day. (Is there some way to spell the "screeching halt" sound?) Insert it here.

I hear the garage door go up and in walked my 19 year old son, explaining himself before I can say a word. He fell asleep on his girlfriends couch and they didn't want to wake him, so her FATHER threw a blanket over him. (Do you think I believe that?! I'm a mother, married to a father, there is no way in H___ that a father is going to throw a blanket over his daughter's boyfriend. No way!) Before he can finish stammering, I say, "Were you drinking?" No, he swears. I say whatever...don't do it again.

The coffee is ready and I try to resume my morning ritual as he trails off to bed. (As parents get older, they mellow out; they're tired.)

My other son is in town for a wedding. He flew in last night. I was already in bed when he came home, reclining with my husband, he with his laptop and I with mine. (We're so twenty first century - NOT!) Our son tells us that his back is stiff from traveling. I say, Lay down here and I'll give you a back rub. No, he says, that's o.k. I say, Well, get your p.j.'s on and come back, we'll talk. (He doesn't know how to break it to me) I'm going to Neil's, it's his last night as a bachelor. (He sees my disappointment, even though I'm already drowsy) I told you mom, it's Neil's wedding, I told you it would be like this. Okay, whatever, be careful, I say.

So now it's morning, Andrew goes to bed and Nick is up and waiting for Neil to pick him up. The wedding is today and of course they have to get moving. I ask Nick if he wants an omelet. No, he can't, as he watches the road. He sits and tries to give me a little attention before he goes. (I know it must sound funny, but I do feel a bit bad.) I try to be cheerful and say, "What time will you be home?" He says that he's staying at the hotel over night. I say, For what?! The family has rented a block of rooms. So, again I say, Whatever. Beep, beep...it's Neil. Be careful, I say.

Now I'm feeling not so cheerful, not so happy. Well, I'm no slug, I've got things to do. I decide I'll run my Saturday morning errands and get back early, just spend the day at the house, enjoying myself.

Well, much to my delight I ran across a garage sale while I was out. What a way to turn the day around! I got a turkey taureen and cookie jar in creamy white, the same color as my Pfaltzgraff every day dishes. I had recently looked up "turkeys" and "taureens" on ebay to see if I could get something nice for the Thanksgiving table. I can't believe my luck, and they are only $2.00 each. Both really handsome pieces. I also bought a neat looking green box with a rabbit painted on it - $1.00. It's the same color green as our small antique lamp on the entry table. Cool! It'll take it. There was also a great lamp made of metal; a sphere with an arrow through it. (That will look terrific in Andrew's room or the den!) Before I leave I spy a tall stainless steel magnifying mirror - $2.00! I'm thrilled and back up on the mountain.

Our kids have to grow, leave the nest and make their own decisions. It's hard not making their decisions for them, and letting them think for themselves. They've heard all my advise. Just like the president and his top advisor, I was on the job giving my kids advise - full time. Now it's not needed. Not that I don't feel the need to share all of my accumulative advise with them, they don't feel the need to take it. I guess as their Top Advisor - I've been laid off.

I want to leave you with an up-note, I'm now getting back to some of the things I love, such as crocheting, sewing, arts, crafts, books, and scripture study. Let's not forget the new ventures such as blogging and volunteering. My life is quite busy and changing rapidly, or so it seems. I'm going to be prayerful about all things that concern me, thankful for God's blessings, and rest in the Lord. I won't to let worry or change rob me of the joy that God intended for us to have.

Joy to the world - joy to you and me!

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Seattle, Washington Here I Come!

I found a great price on airfare through Orbit.com. Wednesday through Wednesday, from Pittsburgh to Seattle and back, for only $250.00. A great price, and so the course was set.

I do not like to leave home for any length of time. I have to leave the dogs and they get so depressed (I hate to disappoint them). My 19 year old still lives at home. He goes to school in the morning and works in the afternoon and into the early evening. Although he is in and out of the house throughout the day, I'm not certain what he'll do for sure. Will he let the dogs out on a consistent basis? Will he invite friends over? (He's not supposed to.) I just have to go away and not worry about any of that stuff. If I did, I'd never go anywhere. Besides, my dad is willing to check on the dogs several times a day and says that he will take care of things, not to worry.(I'm too young to start living like a recluse and so I resign myself to go and not worry) Besides, I can't wait to see Washington and discover what that part of the U.S. looks like. It seems as though it's a world away.

I left home at 4 a.m. to make my 6 a.m. flight. Needless to say, I made it to my gate in plenty of time; no hassles or delay of any kind. At the gate there were lots of people there early, just as I was, chatting, eating breakfast, reading, using their computers/blackberries, etc. I happen to sit back to back with "the talker" of the crowd. My first impression of him is that he would be delightful spouse; happy, just chattering and observing all things in a sort of funny way. From what I could gather, he and his wife, who was there with him, rescues animals and their house is a mess. He left a guy in charge of the animals. This guy, his caretaker, told him that his father-in-law hates him. To this, he tells the crowd, I'd hate him too. (everyone laughs) He goes on to tell what a loser he is, yet feels comfortable leaving everything he owns in his care. Hum? As his chatter continues on for a solid 30 minutes now I begin to reconsider the spouse thing; he never shuts up. (And they say women are bad) He did say something funny though; "Did you know that frogs are dying?" (I perked up for that. Oh no!) Yep, he says, they've been around since the dinosaurs...and they're dying. They figure, we're next, and he bursts into laughter." (I smiled. Was that a joke?)

Anyway, we eventually board a Boeing 767 and the flight was uneventful (thank God). I sat next to a young girl who slept the whole way. She didn't even wake up for the snack and beverage service. I thought about waking her but didn't want to impose. (She was quite plump and I couldn't imagine her wanting to miss out on the cookie) I even thought about getting an extra snack for her but I know myself pretty well, I could very well end up eating mine and hers if she sleeps too long. (Much to my surprise, Delta still serves peanuts and peanut butter crackers during the flight. I was shocked with all the peanut allergies these days) I pass on the extra snack and role of caretaker. Instead, I work on Sudoku puzzles and watch a bit of TV. Halfway through the movie it begins to skip and slur making it impossible to see what's going on. I call for the flight attendant and she refunds my money which is $2.00 for the headset. (Beverages are still free, except alcohol, of course. A snack is still offered, but get a load of this, menus are now available if you would like something more substantial than kibble. If you order from "the big black book", which looks oddly out of place, you pay just as you would at a restaurant. I saw lots of people eating their breakfast before they boarded, me included.) As soon as the flight attendant walks away, the movie resumes and is fine but I seemed to have missed the most important part. Now it didn't seem to make any sense at all.

I arrive in Seattle without a hitch. Even the plane change in Atlanta was nothing. I had 45 minutes to change planes there. Delta was on time and when I arrived at the other gate, they were boarding and we were off again in no time. (Get out there, fearful travelers! It's fine. You can do it!)

Washington is a beautiful state (What little of it I saw). I used to watch a show on television called Northern Exposure. That's what it reminds me of. There's a big sky, lots of timber (pine trees), mountains and water. It's really very lovely.

I visited my daughter, her husband and two grand-doggies. I often went to bed early and worked on the computer (checking the blog, e-bay, e-mail, craigslist, and playing games. Before you know it I'd be tired and ready to sleep. Sounds exciting, huh? To me it was a great luxury to do nothing but relax and enjoy my daughter. It took me a few days to get adjusted to the time change, they are three hours behind us. We woke up and enjoyed the morning with coffee, sitting on porch, or watching another episode of "How Clean Is Your House?" The houses to which Kim and Trudy visit are so incredibly filthy and unkept, that it is impossible to look away as they scrape up a bit of crud with a fingernail for inspection or smell the kitchen sponge. (It's on the BBC. No one lives like that in America, do they?)We went out to eat a few times, enjoying the local fish, we shopped, and went to garage sales and flea markets. What did I find? Well, I love old rolling pins. Now I have a collection. What do they say? One is a possession, two is a collection and three is an obsession. How fun! I found a great old rolling pin that's large and heavy. It looks like oak. The only reason I would buy something like that and be willing to transport it back home is that it was unusual. I don't know how to describe how it's put together except to say that instead of nails or screws or any type of metal mechanism to hold it together, it has small wooden wedges on the end of each handle. Very unique and a real gem! As I was shelling out the money for that one, a deal for $10.00, another vendor is calling to me saying that he has a great rolling pin too. He says his is prettier and has green handles. I explain that I will be flying home in a few days and doubt that I will have room in my suitcase to take much back. With that he offers me his rolling pin for $2.00. I couldn't resist. She's probably quite common and not very old, maybe from the fifties, but I snatch her up and she's mine.

If you've followed my blogs, I love old books as well, particularly old religious books. I found one called "Wickedness in Modern Society." I fall in love with it at a glance and hope that what's inside rivals the title. I glance through it and know it will provide for some interesting reading. (The wickedness the author speaks of is not the atrocities and lewdness that have unfortunately have become quite common in our day and time, but it's more about drinking, lying, profanity and such. You know, the things that most people see nothing wrong with today.) This book; this treasure, is not for me, (I have to keep saying that). "It's not for me, it's not for me...." T's birthday was in July and I had taken her out to lunch but never hit on anything that seemed fitting as a gift for my good friend. I felt she would love this old book and that too went into the bag. I imagine for a moment her teaching a lesson on modesty, for example, and saying, "And now I will read a quote from Wickedness in Modern Society", 1891.)Ah, I amuse myself.

Next we came upon a guy who had a whole bunch of brand new hand tied flies, for fly fishing, of course. I bought 6 for my son. In hind sight I wish I would have offered him $20.00 for the whole lot, I bet he would have taken it. The last thing I bought was a hoot. It was an old ceramic bank that looked like a pile of cigarette butts and a skeleton trying to crawl out from underneath them. Fabulous! (I think my 25 year old smokes.) I call my daughter over and ask whether I should buy it for him. We laugh and she says it will probably just make him mad. We decide it's far too neat to give to him, he may not appreciate it. I decide to put it in his room and when he comes home for a visit, he can look at it there.

Ahhh...the simple joys of life. My visit there was like one big visit to the spa or a great massage. I left there feeling very happy. My daughter and her husband are quite content with each other and their new surroundings. They have two crazy dogs that are a constant source of laughter and fun. Mothers all across the world know that when their kids are happy, then they are happy.

On a serious note before I left there I encouraged my daughter, Eva, to study the scripture and gave her some tips on ways to do that. One way to study, I told her, was to pick a topic and then really study it. She and Dan could do it together. Pick a topic, give yourselves a week to find what you can on the subject, learn as much as you can so that you could teach a lesson on it and then come together and present what you've amassed. It's fun and it's interesting. It's also part of our service to God. Matt.11:29 "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me..."

She was quiet but I felt good, as though my advise was received well. Much to my delight she called me the other day to tell me that she chose a study topic and it was that of pearls. She was surprised at all the mention of precious gems in the scripture. There were some negative mention of pearls, and of course, common scriptures such as don't cast your pearls before swine and the pearl of great price. She said the funniest thing happened that day, Aunt Pearl called. That would be her great grand-mother's youngest sister, the last remaining sibling. I think she's 85 now. The amazing thing is that Aunt Pearl has never called Eva. Eva was surprised at the co-incidence and after sharing this little blessing with Pearl, I think they both felt warm inside; as though it was meant for them to talk that day and a confirmation of her efforts. (What a nice way for God to say, Keep up the good work, my child. Study my word!)

What a blessing for me as her mother to know that she is applying herself to the good things in life. Not the things beneath, but the things that are above. Thank you God! I thank you sincerely, with all my heart.

Next Sunday she is going to study the word "goat". I'll be sure not to call then.

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A grand performance or the weirdest show they've ever seen

I love my own cooking; recipes that my mother and grandmother used to make, of which I never tire. Something as simple as a "sloppy joe" is a real treat. I don't make them often but today there is a fresh batch in the frig. I return home from work, the family is out and about, no need to cook for them, it's just me, so I microwave an ample portion; more than my bun can hold but I have plans for all that extra.

After I eat most of the sandwich, I'll slop up the remainder with the bun and when the bread is gone, I'll resort to a fork. Yum! I go to the frig. to retrieve a long time favorite; the Cellone's Egg Bun - a perfect combination! The meat is piping hot, I prepare the sandwich and much to my chagrin, I find that Cellone's has changed their egg bun recipe. It's drier; breadier. I hope I'm wrong, but how can I be when that is the bun that I've loved ever since I was a kid. I feel nothing, it's not the same. I invite the dogs to enjoy the rest, and they do.

Which brings me to Hostess Ho-Ho's. Did they recently change their recipe? Yes, they did! Why change something that has been a huge success for years? My husband had purchased a box to take along with some other treats on a recent fishing trip. I was unpacking the cooler after he returned home and was delighted to find that they hadn't eaten them all. One bite and I knew... "They changed the recipe." My husband confirmed by saying, "Yes, they did."

I guess that's my lead-in as to what's really bothering me; two of my kids are moving away and the one that remains wants a motorcycle.

Our daughter and husband are moving to Seattle, Washington which seems light years away. I've been reassured, that in fact, for the same amount of time it took to drive to their house, we can now fly. I really didn't know how I would respond when I was pressed into celebrating in the coming days. All I knew is that I didn't want to be a black cloud in the room, the decision was made and it was happening. I've set my mind to being happy. Even if my mind was set, when the emotions flooded in, would I be able to put on a grand performance and hide the tiniest glimmer of sadness. Or would the mid-life hormones kick in for the weirdest show that they had ever seen?

I have to say that just before our son-in-law got the job, my daughter called to talk to me about it. She said that they were praying and had asked God that if it wasn't good for them that he would not let it happen. (I'm glad they were prayerful) So, my only advice to her was, "If you serve God, he will bless you and be with you wherever you go." (Tomorrow I could be dead. That is advice I want her to remember now and forever. If she never remembers another thing I've ever said, I would want her to remember that.)

Their visit came and went and it was wonderful. The parents and grandparents gathered in, the food was out of this world, everyone so happy to be together, enjoying each other with lots of conversation and laughter. And the icing on the cake; a prayer after we joined hands and sang, "If Jesus Goes With Me I'll Go Anywhere." I was so pleased and thankful to God when I laid down that night that all had gone so well. Peace.

So he got the job and his company had given them 10 days to make the transition. They were making the best of it by seeing some of America's most beautiful sights along the way. They said Minnesota was like our hometown; nothing there. (Thanks. Fat chance of returning to....nothing.) I don't take it personally, we live in a small town, I'm aware. The badlands, Black Hills, ND, (she said South Dakota was the most beautiful land she's ever seen), traveled through the mountains, saw Yellowstone National Park and so much more. What an adventure! Young and so happy. And I'm happy for them.

Before they left home for their new life, my son who lives in MD informed us that he had bid for a job and if he gets it, will be transferring to SC...and of course, he got it. So, last Sunday we had a farewell dinner for our daughter and son-in-law, and this Sunday our son is coming home for the last time before he moves south, and we'll do it all over again, the meal, the family; the celebration.

How long could I wear the happy face. My kids are leaving. I can't protect them anymore. It's hard to let go.

Fast forward...
I was happier a week ago but I admit, after the second celebration, I felt lousy; miserable. I still feel that way.

I know I shouldn't think this way, but in some respect, I feel like I have failed. Why did they leave? Why were they moving so far away?

It bewilders me when I hear people say, "If I had to live my life over, I wouldn't change a thing." Are you kidding me? I wouldn't change the egg bread recipe, I wouldn't change the Ho-ho recipe but not mop up the mistakes and missed opportunities of the past...you've got to be kidding. Absolutely, I would. Is there an eraser big enough!

I guess I wish that home was so good that they would never leave. I only hope it was good enough that one day they'll pack up their things and come home.

After a few days or weeks I assume I'll be back to myself. I'll get used to the fact that the two older kids don't live around here anymore. I'll try to stay in touch often and get even closer to them as to not lose our connection; keeping their ties to home strong, like a tether.

And to keep me busy in the mean time...my eighteen year old wants a motorcycle. Let me repeat it 10 more times, no. Mistake or good advice? Who knows? Mom's just trying to do what's best seeing that I don't want to lose a child to distance or by chance.

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A Time To Cry and a Time to Laugh

My sister-in-law reminded me to take my hormone pills today. (Funny, I had just decided that they didn't do a thing for me). As I stand in her kitchen, I'm trying to hold back the tears. (It doesn't seem to make a difference that I've cried most of the morning. Am I crazy, losing it, or are my emotions out of whack? No,it's not any of the above; my feelings were hurt.) She hugs me and tells me that everything will be alright. The most wonderful words ever spoken, whether true or not, and they have a calming effect. I love her for that. She has weathered her own storms and it's still not easy for them. She speaks from faith and experience and I know that she is right. I'm partly ashamed for bringing a sad face and tears to her when she probably needs a little comfort herself. Paul said, "If I make you sorry, who will make me glad?"


I am not a sad person. (I believe everyone should wear a smile and most of the time I do. I've been blessed by God and I've tried to glorify his name in every way I can, which includes a cheery disposition. He has made my life full and wonderful.) Yet, at times, we have things or people in our lives in varying places, who can make day to day living more difficult. Their outlook on life depends almost solely on their feelings and what's happening in their world, and all others are a speed bump on their road to happiness, or misery, as the case may be. (Would they see themselves in the previous sentence or so? Absolutely not.)

It's easy to be injured when co-existing with people who are happy one minute and angry the next. You never know which way the pendulum is going to swing. How can one escape it? One can't unless you just...walk away. That's not an option, or is it? Read on.

I may have discovered a radical therapy to turn about bad behaviors. This work in experimental therapy is purely selfish as I need more peace in my own life. So let's get busy and leave no stone unturned.

The other day I saw a program on training dogs. (I'm thinking of implementing it at home) A couple had two large dogs that made life unbearable and having friends and family over, almost impossible. A trainer came to the house to observe the problem and prescribe an antidote. She saw, for herself, the terrible manners that the dogs displayed. Visitors could hardly enter the home, being greeted by such beasts at the door, they had to push their way through to the living room while the dogs jockeyed along, shoving, barking, jumping, refusing to be controlled at all. This rowdy behavior continued even when the guests were seated. (Sound like anyone you know?)All corrective measures by the owners had failed.

(Everyone listen now, for if this works on people like it does on dogs, it could be the breakthrough that every tired and exhausted mother on the face of the earth had hoped for but thought impossible without the use of "the old fashioned belt" or "switch" - outlawed by the way.) Every time the dogs act badly, the owners were advised to stand up and walk out of the room. They enact this strategy over and over to no avail. Just at the point when they were ready to give up, IT WORKED, it actually worked! A breakthrough was made and the owners were utterly amazed to see a turn-around in the dogs behavior. (Who said you can't teach an old dog new tricks.)

Now let the experiment begin. With much prayer and some dog training techniques, I move forward; willing to try anything to make life more pleasurable for all of us.

Let me see, I do want to spend some time with the family...I can't spend all of my time in the next room, waiting to re-enter. I'll have to give it some more thought...humm.

So as you can see, yesterday I cried, today I'm up; laughing, if you will, as I try to work through the little problems that I (we) must wade through from time to time or all the time depending on relationships, whatever or wherever they may be. (Ergonomics - the engineering of people. Is there a training manual? I'm sure there must be and here I am trying to glean tips from the animal kingdom. We'll graduate to human behavior when we get there.) Forgive me, I'm just venting. It's been a trying week. I love my family but sometimes I get tired. (That's when that cheery disposition come in handy!)

Writing is cathartic. I feel better and I am resolved to change...again.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 "A time to weep and a time to laugh..."

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