Useless Information

The other night I was at home doing some computer related stuff, when I got a text message from my sister. She’s been taking a class at night and so I rarely have a chance to have an actual conversation with her lately. So, I was pleasantly surprised when I flipped open my cell and saw my sister’s name on the message. I opened the message and this was what I saw: “Okay I’m in class, solve this for me. What is the character’s name on Laverne and Shirley who dated Shirley .” I texted her back and she sends me another text that says “Man, you’re better than Google.”


According to my family, I collect, useless information. Now it doesn’t seem useless to me, especially when I’m searching for something, it is totally relevant. The need to know some obscure fact has led me down many a path. I file it away for recall in some situation when I might need it. It happens frequently. Looking for the information, not using the information. Before the advent of the internet, I was forced to trek to the library to find my information. Before I was old enough to go to the library by myself, my parents bought me a book that was called “Still more tell me why?” I LOVED that book. I still have it; the cover is hanging on by threads. If something interests me I go on a fact finding mission. I suppose it’s a natural extension of my love for books.

I have a survival handbook, you know in case I’m ever stranded in a blizzard and need to stay alive until help comes. I love how-to books, (something that J enjoys as well), so for a recent birthday my mom got me a book on how to tie knots. I couldn’t have been happier. What if I’m out some where and I need to know how to tie a half hitch? It could happen; I just want to be prepared. Once I decided it was important to be able to tell military time. Ok, so maybe that one was a bit of a stretch, I can safely say I will never be in the military, but if I ever need to synchronize my watch with a Secret Service agent I could.

Facts that interest me often have no rhyme or reason. They often come from just reading something and wondering if there is anything else related or connected to it. Here’s what I mean. Did you know that for every memorial statue with a person on a horse, if the horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died of battle wounds; if all four of the horse’s legs are on the ground, the person died of natural causes. Now watch and see if the next time you see a statue of a person on a horse if you don’t try to remember this bit of info.

Here’s another: the white membrane under the peel of citrus fruits is called the pith, recently, I heard that this is supposed to be high in iron content, I haven’t found anything to support this claim but I’ll keep you posted.

This useless information is not limited to facts, no; I also have words that I will probably never use at my disposal as well. For example, vexillology which sounds like it might be a good major in college. (“What’s your major?” “I majored in vexillology and minored in English.”) It simply means the study of flags. Sometimes these words are helpful in Scrabble, but beyond that most cannot be worked into a normal conversation.

A "hairbreadth away" is 1/48 of an inch.

“&” is called an ampersand.

A group of larks is called an exaltation.

Lest you, dear reader, should think that this is just assorted flotsam of a disturbed mind, I also have some biblical bits you might find interesting. If you’re still reading this, please read on.
Shortest verse: John 11:35 – (Yes, of course, “Jesus wept.”)
Longest verse: Esther 8:9 – (it has 78 words in it.)
The raven was the first animal out of the ark.
The center verse of the entire Bible is: Psalm 118:8 – (“It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.” Coincidence? I think not.)

I had to include this one here; the dot over the “i” is called a tittle.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 (Now come on, you have to admit this one is kind of cool!)

The strike note of the Liberty Bell is E-flat. Also, Pennsylvania is spelled Pensylvania on the Liberty Bell.

I admit that I may never use most of these facts. Unless, of course, I decide to audition for Jeopardy or something, but they’re in there. Someday when I’m old and senile I may roam the halls of my nursing home and just spout out random facts that my brain needs to purge. Until that happens I will most likely get text messages and phone calls to verify some weird fact or to supply the piece of trivia that is being debated. And that’s ok with me, there are worse things to be known for. By the way, the name of the character that dated Shirley…Carmine “The Big Ragoo” Ragusa.